Hagrid's Day As a House Elf
by xXxQuam ut evanui plenexXx
Summary: He has a ruddy bad cold, Snape is on the run, Dumbledore has his knickers plundered and Dobby wants to dance with his 'beautiful princess'. It took 30 minutes and a very sick mind, as requested by my friend. Rated M for Humorous Non Consent and swearing.


This is written for my friend Bethany (you know who you are!) She requested a Hagrid/Dobby so that's what she'll get. This is a comedic one shot.

I don't own this, and i think JK Rowling would roll in her sleep if she saw this sickness XD

Warning, this involves adult language, and non consent.

Hagrid's Day As a House Elf

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><p>Hagrid sat on the bed, looking rather small and feeling very sorry for himself. Thinking of how he'd got here, he recalled bounding through the halls to professor Snape's room to see if he had anything for his flu. Mrs Pomfrey was unable to supply him anything to sedate his cold as he was half giant and Hogwarts apothecary had nothing for giants. Following the suggestion to go to Snape, he marched downstairs wheezing and coughing. He looked like a big sorry handkerchief, his face was red and his eyes were bleary. Snape's attempts to dodge him meant his instructions were very vague, consisting of a point to the second shelf and the distant voice of Snape which had lost some in the echo. Clumsily picking up a bottle, he downed it in one. And now he was here, feet high up and little hands resting on his chin.<p>

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><p>After being told it would take a day until the potions affects wore off, I was resigned to my state and followed advice to get some rest. I can tell you now, I'm a big man so I'm used to having issues with my size; but trust me, this was much worse. Dodging all of those pupils, silly Slytherin's casting spells on you, getting caught in Dumbledore's robes was the worst. I knew he was a little, ya know, eccentric, but i would have never thought he'd wear 'My Little Pony' underwear and acid wash rainbow socks!. Thought there was something else in that potion i tell you!.<p>

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><p>Dobby was on his way, Dobby was being a good elf. Dobby was following Harry Potter's orders to 'F*** Off'. Dobby was walking down hall, then he saw fellow house elf in Dumbledore's breeches!. Well Dobby was shocked! Dobby took that elf and hit him, again and again. Then Dobby took him somewhere, but Dobby found out that naughty house elf wasn't a boy but a girl!. Well Dobby was, surprised, as naughty house elf had voice of man, big man, with wizard fur on his face. Well Dobby was also surprised, because, Dobby thought girl house elf was pretty. Girl house elf wanted to go but Dobby wouldn't let her! Dobby knew that girl house elf really thought Dobby was pretty too. Pretty like a beautiful princess!.<p>

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><p>Ah don't know what was happenin', it all happened so fast. First ah was in Dumbledore's tighty whities, next ah was in the house elves quarters. So this house elf called Dobby starts to dance with me, so i think, why not. Maybe it's part of their culture, might as well learn it as i only have a day. Next thing i know he's got me on a bed! I can't even say what happened next, i still feel terrible about it. All i know was that it wasn't normal, erasing fluid and empty water bottles were involved. I felt so used. He whispered to me calling me a 'beautiful angel', crooning, 'Bethany, your the prettiest house elf, i ever did see, this was a new water bottle, especially for you'. I feel so ashamed.<p>

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><p>Epilogue -<p>

Dobby was charged with sexual assault against a magical creature.

Hagrid fully recovered from his condition

Hagrid gave birth soon later, he named the child 'Jorden' and is raising it as his own. The child is normal sized because he is half house elf, 1/4 giant, and 1/4 human. He is non magical and is currently going to an undisclosed school in Scotland.

Dumbledore saw a niche in the market and is currently modeling and creating his own underwear and sock clothing line.

Professor Snape still got a cold, and ran into a wall when trying to escape from the flu ridden Hagrid.

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><p>Yeah, rubbish right? I know, but this is what you do when you have 30 minutes and your friends request a fanfiction!.<p> 


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